It seems like such a simple task, putting together the contact list for my daughter’s homeroom. As I typed in the parents’ names, addresses, and miscellaneous phone and email info, I stopped in my tracks. It was easy in the beginning: Kim & Sean, Mary & Joe, etc. etc. Then I came to the awkward situations – that family, I had heard, was separated; another had gotten divorced last year. At least in the first case the daughter’s name was the same; in the other mom’s name, had changed, befuddling the teacher on back to school night. The school directory had already dealt with this, offering up to me two distinct home addresses, some had dad’s email, the other didn’t.  We don’t usually note cell phones, but here was no home phone to list for the other spouse.  Should I present them on the same line, switch lines, keep that ampersand in place, or sensitively leave it out for all so as not to underscore their pain in changing lives?

The same happened with the soccer roster. One mom had gotten remarried, changing her name to the new one, and one of the daughters was from the new husband, the other two were from her previous marriage (or was it his?). 

I won’t even get into how complicated carpool is, with Sally at this house on alternate Mondays, perhaps Tuesdays, but can you get her on Wednesday and Thursday if he doesn’t show up?

Navigating these tempestuous waters is the norm at the beginning of any school year in these days, when divorce and remarriage is no longer rare (even in ours, a Catholic school).  As a coach, a mom, a parents’ club officer, I do all I can to be non-judgmental and sensitive about these situations. We ask each other the home status, and feel bad about gossiping. And yet, isn’t it good to know the lay of the land? I would hate to offhandedly say “Are your mom and dad picking you up?” or something equally innocent, and inflict more hurt to a twelve-year-old.  Who knows how amicable or not it is?

So we all walk the tightrope, offer an understanding shoulder, and hope the girls get quickly to their new normal without thinking about our administrative struggles.