Mom was in her late thirties; Daughter around twelve. Mom was examining the tag to see if the shorts were on sale; Daughter was checking out how they looked from the back. Inside the pushcart were a sleeping bag and assorted camp paraphernalia. “Okay. Two pair. That’s it,” Mom instructed. Daughter, answering first with an audible groan, hissed:  “I need new riding boots.” Mom, with equal hushed venom, responded through clenched jaws:  “Then tell your father to buy them for you.”

As they walked away, it seemed there were three of them:  sulking Daughter, despondent Mom, and – like a ghost – unseen Dad. Shopping with a preteen can mean a battle.

Frankly put, simply living with a preteen can be a struggle. Add the stress of shared parenting, the agony-ecstasy of bidding farewell to a child for the summer, and the spiking costs of everything — the results can mean a roller coaster ride of emotion for everyone in the divided/blended/re-compounded family.

So why did this vignette linger in the mind’s eye?

Perhaps because it is a play I have seen before in family cases – one acted out annually by families across the country. Maybe Mom won’t mention Dad. But, if she does, perhaps Daughter won’t ask him about the boots. If she does, what will Dad’s response be? “Sure.” Or, “let’s try to find some second hand ones.” Or, “tell your mother to get them. With all the child support I send her, she can afford to buy a horse to go with them!”

With my rarely utilized fairy tale mindset — where rainbows have pots of gold and happy endings are fundamental truths — I pictured an alternative to the play. In my version, and well before summer began, Mom and Dad (out of earshot of Daughter) had a civil conversation, in person, or by telephone or e-mail. One of them had a list of needs for summer camp, summer school, vacation bible school – whatever was occupying the children for the summer months. Together they talked about what is a “need” versus a “want.” They touched – however gingerly – on what they could honestly afford. They came up with a plan.

And, in the following month, when Daughter said, “I want new riding boots,” Mom or Dad’s line was:  “WE will have to talk about that.”

For parents who do that:  Take a bow, and exit, stage right.