Tis the season for graduations, as proud parents line up around their smart children and grin ear-to-ear.  These parties are always an interesting lens into the dynamics of the family unit; you can’t help but wonder what’s bubbling behind those smiles.

Gravy train is over, honey; don’t you have an interview soon? Economic downturn or no (or because of it), it’s time to make your own money, adult child, and contribute.

Are you really moving in with that young man [read: loser]?

Graduate school? What do you mean you need MORE tuition money?

And, you thought those parenting days were done.

It’s even more fascinating when there are multiple parents in the mix. At this past weekend’s celebration, at the mom’s house (the one with the newish husband), all was cordial, with extended family on both sides of the divorce commingling with old and new friends, neighbors, and long-lost cousins. Our daughter never realized that the gray-haired fellow offering directions was the mom’s second husband. See, he couldn’t have been any more different than the ex, our girl’s godfather. And the house, gorgeous to a fault, with no detail left unconsidered, was a long way from the casual, comfy tract house from their former life.

Do we find our match and truly become ourselves when we remarry? Maybe “mom” always wanted that showcase, but couldn’t exercise that design gene with number one. The relaxed nature of that first husband, echoed in the easygoing giggles of his girl (the graduate), had found an equally laidback match, so very different from her more reserved counterpart.

So, perhaps all is good. There are reasons we move on. Sometimes people kid themselves, and mold to another uninspired choice. More often than not, though, I see “real” selves emerging as we graduate to new lives. As my husband said when we were courting, “I can be myself with you.”

And that’s a good reason to be together.