My husband won’t discuss politics; hates the whole idea of fighting over what should be secret ballots. My ex-husband, a lobbyist, lived daily up to his ears in political debate; we argued about it regularly, but spent lots of time with congressmen and political operatives nonetheless. (And one horrid election night party when the state map bled red with Reagan’s overwhelming victory.) What a difference a marriage makes.

As we wrap up this interminable campaign, I’ve been struck by how very many individuals run away from that dicey conversation. My elderly mom, an Obama supporter, won’t get into a dust-up with her cousin or her fellow senior center buddies, even to gently convince them. Friends get feelings hurt in otherwise carefully worded pleas to understand our side: “We like you, just not your political leanings.”

Good thing I can at least banter with my siblings–one die-hard Republican, one Republican ready to jump sides, another teetering on the fence. (Admittedly–so sorry!–I do get silent amidst groups that, in my estimation, would shun me for my liberal bias.)

It’s not that unusual, it seems, to love someone and hate their views; from my parents to numerous friends, lots of otherwise caring couples “cancel each other out.” Hey, Mary Matalin and James Carville have made a career out of it. This year is pretty heated though, and some couples can’t bridge the divide.

But I’m here to say that life’s about a lot more than politics, so beware making elections a dealbreaker. I’m proudly voting today, and still coming home to a great person, even if he is (I think) pulling the wrong lever.