Husband Number 1 becomes Husband Number 3: divorces his wife, has second thoughts, marries her again. Kids are confused. Welcome to the merry-go-round world of remarrying the same person.

It was your typical dinner party. Three couples, too much food, copious booze, a profusion of ribald humor. We’d covered politics, the environment, and, inevitably, when the momentum slowed, divorce.

“Divorce is so miserable. Until I met Ralph, I never thought I’d marry again,” says DeeDee.

“I agree. One divorce per lifetime was enough for me as well,” I say.  “But amazingly we seem to be in the minority. People get married and divorced all the time. Like changing shirts.”

“Worse than that,” says Rachel. “People are remarrying the same person. A colleague just married the same woman he divorced 5 years ago. He married someone else in between. Then he divorced 2 and remarried Number 1. He called her Wife 13 since she was Wife Number 1 and 3.”

“Was he happier this time around?” I ask.

“Nope,” answers Rachel. “He complains about her all the time.”

“Isn’t marrying the same person you threw out a few years back a bit like betting on the video replay?” I ask.

“It’s exactly the same,” replies Ralph, evoking his sister’s repeats.

“My friend Debbie married a divorced man,” says DeeDee. “She was so happy she sent his ex-wife a thank you card for letting him go. Then when he chased her around the kitchen with a meat cleaver, she learned why Wife 1 had cut the guy loose. Unbelievably, when Debbie threw him out, he remarried Wife 1. Debbie sent her another thank you card.”

Susan chimes in. “We can top that: Chaz’s uncle.”

“My uncle has been married five times but only to three women,” chuckles Chaz. “He married two of them twice.”

“Were they sequential?” I ask. “It’s a completely different kettle of onions if you marry 1, then dump her and marry someone else. Then seeing how bad 2 is, you realize Number 1 wasn’t so bad after all so you dump 2 and go back to 1. Still doesn’t explain 3 and 4, though.”

“1 and 2 were the same woman. Then 3 and 4 were the same woman. Number 5 was new” comes the explanation.

“Had the women changed in between marriages?” asks DeeDee.

“Nope,” laughs Chaz. “When my uncle complained his wife was stealing from him, we said, ‘Well, she stole from you the first time you were married to her. Why are you surprised now?”

It is that video replay scenario! “This is crazy,” I say. “I can’t believe people marry the same person they chucked out the door in the first place. Seems like they’d be happy to be quits of bad news rather than revisiting the scene of the crime.”

“I think after the divorce, you forget the bad and just remember the good,” says Susan.  “I know if Chaz and I got divorced, all I’d remember would be the good of our 20 years.”

“Twenty years?” cries Ralph. “What’s wrong with you two, anyway? You’re the only ones at the table who have been married to the same person since college.”

“What do you mean what’s wrong with us?” she protests. “We’re the ones who made our marriage a success.”

“But what about your kids? Don’t they feel like outcasts at school?” asks Rachel.

“If you two weren’t so bloody selfish, you’d realize how difficult you’ve made life for them,” snaps Ralph. “Their friends talk about weekends with the noncustodial parent, court battles over child support, their mother dating a guy who sleeps over. I bet your kids are the only ones in their class who don’t hide in their room while their parents fight over custody for spring break. What do your kids have to talk about at lunch? How your whole family went to an art museum over the weekend? Boooring! How could you do that to them? Your kids probably don’t have any friends.”

 ”No friends?” asks Chaz, bewildered. “How about the fact that we’ve been financially successful? We can write out checks for their college education. They’ll graduate debt free.”

“They’ll graduate free of core life values,” snaps DeeDee, waving a pretzel stick in Chaz’s face. “It just shows how you put your own lives first before your kids. You should be ashamed!”

“Well, what should we do?” asks Susan. 

“Get divorced now,” I say. “You owe it to your kids to give them a normal childhood.”

“Well, we do want them to be happy,” says Chaz slowly. “But then what? I love Susan. Do I have to marry someone else?”

“Get divorced, wait a while, have a couple court battles, fight over visitation rights, then reconcile and get back together with Susan,” advises Ralph. “It’s obviously a popular trend. Susan would be Wife Number 12.”

“Don’t I have to marry someone else in between?” asks Chaz.

“Nope,” Rachel replies definitively. “As your uncle proved, it’s not necessary.”

“Wait a second!” exclaims Susan. “This is a sacrifice we’re making for the kids, right?”

We all nod enthusiastically.

“Since it’s for the children and if we’re going to get divorced anyway, I want to marry someone else in between,” Susan says, smiling.

“What?!” Chaz sits upright.

“No problem,” says DeeDee. “Chaz will be Husband 13 then. It will still save the kids.”

“Do you know if that golf pro at Bay Hills is seeing anyone?” Susan asks DeeDee, as Chaz grouses. “He’s awfully cute.”

DeeDee grins. “I’m sure he’s not. Let’s call him,” she says, digging her cell phone out of her purse.

“My company recently hired an interim CFO,” says Rachel. “This would be just like that: An interim husband. It’s a great idea, Susan! Enjoy yourself for 6 months, and when you get bored with wild monkey sex, dump the golf stud and marry Chaz again.”

Susan, with the righteous look of a martyr walking to a burning stake, takes the phone into the other room to make the call.

“Sacrifices like this are rare in today’s self-centered society,” says DeeDee, dumping pretzels into a bowl.

“Yes,” says Rachel as she pours the wine. “It’s such a warm feeling when friends join together and make a difference. I bet those kids’ grades jump a whole point higher!”

“Don’t bother thanking us.” says Ralph, patting Chaz on the shoulder. “That’s what friends are for.”

Leon Frank is a management consultant who conducts seminars around the country and holds dinner parties to survey friends about marriage (and remarriage).