C writes:  I am 37 and have always wanted to find the man who would complete my life.  Now that I have found him; there are so many elements I never considered.  He has children; I am excited about blending with his family, but have apprehension about my own abilities to parent.  He has been married before, and assumed he would invite his ex-wife to our wedding. When I voiced my apprehension about an ex at the wedding, he backed down; but now I feel guilty….and I don’t know why.

His credit has been fraught with difficulties.  My credit is not perfect, but I have fought to strengthen it, and now I am a little anxious about taking on huge debts and credit challenges.

Having said all this, I have to say again, this is the man for me, and I will unconditionally love him for better or worse….I just wonder if I will respect myself in the morning.

Can you offer advice or resource suggestions where I could go to learn more, and be better prepared for the journey I am about to endeavor?  Many thanks.  C 

Chuck and Jae reply:   Thank you for your question.  After reading it, we concluded that you (and perhaps your fiance) would be best served by discussing your issues with a therapist.  If you choose to do this, be prepared to discuss, at a minimum:

- What is his relationship with his ex?  How long have they been divorced?  Why did they get divorced?  Has she remarried?  Why does he want to invite her to the wedding?

-  How long have you known him?  Why are you apprehensive about her attending the wedding?  Is it about your own insecurity, or have you noticed things about his relationship with his ex- that make you uncomfortable?

-  What is he doing about his debts?  Have you discussed how finances will be handled after you marry?  If so, are you comfortable with what you agreed to?

We believe that after considering the above matters with a therapist, you will be in a much better position to assess the situation and make whatever decisions you need to make.  Best wishes!