Meghan writes: My husband and I just got remarried and we each have children. Traditionally, my family vacations at the beach and his vacations on the ski slopes. We can’t afford to take two big vacations. Sure, we can alternate years and cover both types of vacation. But, what are some ways that we can make the trips enjoyable while we are there? We have teenagers, and when one doesn’t want to be somewhere, it can surely be a miserable time for everyone (and especially since the attitudes of the older kids heavily influence their younger siblings).

Chuck and Jae reply: One of the biggest challenges for remarried families is trying to merge two different family cultures. Especially during the early stages of the remarriage, it is important to honor, as much as possible, the traditions of the families in which the children were raised. Granted, this might not always be feasible, and/or some modifications to these traditions might be required. Retaining important family traditions will help the children deal with their sense of loss related to the end of their parents’ former marriage.
Another part of this challenge is how the children incorporate the traditions of their stepparents’ families into their own lives. This part can be even trickier. They may not care for these traditions, or simply may not have enough room in their lives to accommodate two complete family cultures. In such cases, careful negotiation will be required to ensure that everyone’s most important needs are met. Only then can a third family culture—that of the remarried family—emerge, eventually.